Anisha
Head-Royce School
12th Grade
1. How do you identify? Have you always felt comfortable in this identity? Interpret this question however you'd like, whether it be your gender, ethnicity or nationality.
I identify as a cisgender, straight, Indian female. Like most teenage girls, I have definitely struggled with how to ‘perform’ my gender identity and mimic how I see it performed. While I can’t say that I share other girls’ experiences, I think that I struggled with performing ‘femininity’ a bit more than some of my other friends who may not share my ethnicity. Indians don’t necessarily have a lot of representation so the role models that were depicted by mainstream media, while unachievable for most, were even further from what I looked like than from what my friends looked like. I was always doing more, using more products to change my appearance. On another note, I 100% identify as an American. I used to feel uncomfortable with that identity because the adjective ‘American’ was/is often used interchangeably with ‘white’. I was born in the US and while technically I am a first generation American citizen, I don’t necessarily feel like an immigrant.
2. Talk about the environments and communities you've been a part of and the ways in which they've affected the formation of your identity. Tell your story!
As a minority student in a smaller school population, I think I have been called on more to represent the Indian community in ways that wouldn’t necessarily happen at another school. I never really objected or even resented my participation in those kinds of events but I think that over time I felt more and more self-conscious about being put on the spot to represent a community that I honestly haven’t connected with that much. At the same time, these were opportunities for me to connect more with my culture but I can’t say that I really leaned in all that hard. Overall, being in an independent school has heightened my self awareness of identity, whether it be gender, sexuality, or ethnicity. I went to my local public school for a few years in elementary school and just in that time I was definitely called out and made uncomfortable for being Indian. I still vividly remember kids pointing and making faces at food that I brought for lunch because it wasn’t standard ‘American’ food that everyone else had. Of course, I don’t think it was intended in any sort of vicious way but they really seemed disgusted by just the appearance of food in my thermos and I never again brought Indian food to school.
3.Where do you feel most safe as a racial minority at Head-Royce?
During my two years of leading India Club, I think I spent more time trying to sell Indian Culture to the rest of Head-Royce rather than explore the culture myself. This year we had a really small meeting with just a few underclassmen about taking over the club next year and we ended up just talking about random things like eyebrow waxing and indian food. Honestly, that conversation really made me think about how affinity groups, throughout my time at Head-Royce, spent more time doing and planning than having conversations. While I really valued a conversation about various documentaries and articles that are related to Indian culture, I think that just having a space to talk to people that share your identity is incredibly important. I don’t think I’ve ever felt necessarily unsafe as a minority student at HRS but then again, I think a school like Head-Royce would have a lot to gain from spaces like that to just share.
4. How has being a minority student at a school like HRS affected the way you view yourself?
Growing up I think I tried to always downplay my involvement with Indian culture. Having such positive reactions to cultural events and expressions really helps me to accept the part of myself that is Indian. I still have to remind myself that others are not uncomfortable by my own cultural expressions.
5. Do you feel as though individuals of your race are properly represented at HRS. Whether this is through the literature that we read, members of of our staff etc…
I definitely think that Indian culture could be better represented at Head-Royce through faculty and/or literature in classes.
6. If you came back to visit HRS in 10 years, what would you have liked to see changed?
I would really like to see more affinity group strength. Yes, it’s one thing for a club to host an assembly but it’s more important for a group to have regular members who feel super comfortable sharing with each other and truly supporting one another.
7. Tell me about a time when you were insensitive about someone else's identity.
As I said, I grew up never really feeling like an immigrant and my indian culture was only a small part of my life. While I did really care about India Club, I think that I treated it in the same way that I treated the Indian part of myself - always there but not necessarily on the front of my mind. I didn’t really think other people necessarily cared for India Club, I thought it existed because I made it and people came because I annoyed them to. It took me some time but there were definitely moments where India Club meant a lot to people who didn’t necessarily speak up about how much they appreciated and needed a safe space like that. I assumed that everyone shared my relationship with their culture when in reality everyone expressed their own in very different ways. I often times downplayed others’ experiences with their families’ cultures because I didn’t really consider my own to be a big part of my life.