Clara
HEAD-ROYCE SCHOOL
12TH GRADE
1.How do you identify? Have you always felt comfortable in this identity? Interpret this question however you'd like, whether it be your gender, ethnicity or nationality.
I identify as an American, mixed Indonesian-Caucasian female. I have always been comfortable with the American and female portions of my identity, but identifying as mixed used to be difficult. My mom was always worried that I was “forgetting that I was Asian” as well as white. My friends were always confused when they found out my mom wasn’t white. It made it difficult to balance.
2. Talk about the environments and communities you've been a part of and the ways in which they've affected the formation of your identity. Tell your story!
I think that attending an independent school has definitely caused me to develop the Caucasian aspects of my identity more than the Indonesian ones. The school is predominately white, and while there are a lot of Asians, there are almost no Indonesians. I was surrounded by white people and white culture, and therefore I felt most comfortable around white people and white culture, despite being only half white.
There’s always some pressure to just fit in. When your culture or your background or even your parent’s don’t fit with those surrounding you, then there’s always the urge to act like the rest of the group. You don’t lie, but try to squeeze yourself into the mold of what is acceptable even though it doesn’t fit comfortably.
3.Where do you feel most safe as a racial minority at Head-Royce?
I feel safe around everyone. I don’t look particularly like a racial minority, so I don’t think it factors much into how the students treat me.
4. In what moments, if any, have you felt hyper-aware of your race in attending an independent school?
I think that as a mixed person, I have had a very strange perspective on how being a minority affects people. Like I said earlier, I don’t look much like a minority, so my treatment is very different. I think most of the effects have been from the difference in culture or cultural standards that I experienced. My mother is very Asian, very Catholic and somewhat conservative, especially compared to the very relaxed liberal parenting style of some of my white friends. There are certain things that I will never talk about with her, whereas my friends openly discuss with their parents. The biggest differences are what is seen as appropriate to wear or do. For a long time, I wasn’t allowed to wear shorts or leggings because it was too revealing. I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup for a long time. Every outfit is still critiqued constantly, while my friends can go out wearing almost whatever they want. If I want to go out with friends, I need a set plan of what we are doing at least a couple days in advance. If I’m late, it’s a very big deal. I can’t go out too much; there needs to be a balance between family time and friends. It has sometimes created a culture clash when my friends want hang out or do something and it made me feel alienated at times.
5. Do you feel as though individuals of your race are properly represented at HRS. Whether this is through the literature that we read, members of of our staff etc…
I think that as far as minorities go, Asians are one of the most well represented groups in the Head Royce community. There are several Asian teachers and several classes geared specifically towards Asian history or that address Asian philosophies and texts. There are not as many mixed kids, but I guess I kind of expected that since there aren’t many of us in general.
6. If you came back to visit HRS in 10 years, what would you have liked to see changed?
I would like to see a larger representation of African American and Hispanic students. I’m not part of that minority, but I’ve heard often that it can feel very lonely and alienating at Head Royce for students of that ethnicity.
7. Tell me about a time when you felt proud of your race!
I’m always very proud to be Indonesian and mixed. It makes me feel unique and kind of special almost. So, I’m proud of my race all the time, but specifically when any one is talking about Indonesian history or the place in general.