maya
HEAD-ROYCE SCHOOL
10TH GRADE
1.How do you identify? Have you always felt comfortable in this identity? Interpret this question however you'd like, whether it be your gender, ethnicity or nationality.
I identify as an African-American cisgender girl. Although my gender has never been a question to me, my race has been a huge point of discomfort for me in the past. It’s hard to be one of six or seven black kids, especially when you are in lower school. I hardly had anyone around me that was the same race as me, and I always felt pressured to be friends with the other black kids. I became a lot more confident in high school, but I still struggle to be consistently confident in my identity.
2. Talk about the environments and communities you've been a part of and the ways in which they've affected the formation of your identity. Tell your story!
I’ve definitely felt the whole “too black” vs. “not black enough” issue. I’m pretty consistently told that I’m “basically white” or that I “don’t count as a black person,” which I’ve found interesting. I’ve gone to Head-Royce since kindergarten, so I am well spoken and very literate. I’m very conscious of my actions and words, which is somehow seen as something that makes me less black. My family, especially my family members who live in urban areas, think I’m a sell-out. It can be isolating to be the only super educated member of your family, especially when that’s looked down upon. In the classroom, I sometimes feel that I need to be really vocal during discussions about race. People expect me to lead, which is a position I’m not very comfortable in. It can be taxing at times, but I’m really grateful to have the opportunity to be educated in such a great environment.
3.Where do you feel most safe as a racial minority at Head-Royce?
I feel really safe around my teachers. Kids, especially insecure middle and high school kids, have a tendency to be somewhat inconsiderate regarding racial minorities. I’ve found that the faculty does a really good job of addressing race without making minorities uncomfortable, which is really amazing. I think I have a different experience than most people of color at Head-Royce, because I don’t attend our Black Student Union meetings. I have FADE (dance club) for the first half of the year, and I never really got into it.
4. In what moments, if any, have you felt hyper-aware of your race in attending an independent school?
Growing up with mostly white friends, I was very aware of my race. My friends would all do twin day in lower school and match up with people they looked like, which was sad for me because I didn’t have anyone to twin with. It sounds insignificant, but it made me very hyper-aware of how different I was from all of my friends. I remember this one day, I think we were in third or fourth grade, a girl was choreographing a dance that only blonde girls were allowed to be in. Things like that really stick with you. More recently, I’ve felt like I’m not “black enough.” I have curly hair, but I don’t have hips or a butt. I’m a huge believer in intersectional feminism, but I haven’t tweeted #blacklivesmatter. I’m uncomfortable broadcasting my blackness, mostly because I’m broadcasting to a group of non-black people. In the eyes of my black friends, this means I’m not proud of my identity. I’m still really struggling to find a balance.
5. Do you feel as though individuals of your race are properly represented at HRS. Whether this is through the literature that we read, members of of our staff etc...
I definitely think we don’t have enough black men on our campus. There’s this stereotype, whether conscious or unconscious, that black men are scary and dangerous. I’ve heard this actually come out of a Head-Royce student’s mouth. I think the overall diversity of our teachers is improving, but we need black men to be represented throughout our school, the Upper School especially. Also: African-American/black literature is amazing, and we don’t have very much of that. I’d love to see something like For Colored Girls being taught in an English class. I think it would fit nicely into the 9th grade curriculum.
6. If you came back to visit HRS in 10 years, what would you have liked to see changed?
MORE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT RACE. Always. One day a year is awesome, but I think it’s an ongoing discussion that should be addressed in the regular curriculums of the humanities. Also, I’d like to see more teachers that are diverse in both race and thought. You can’t fully discuss diversity without diverse people.
7. Tell me about a time when you felt proud of your race!
When another Head-Royce student of color does amazing things, I feel really proud to be black. Donovan Reed comes to mind. Watching other black kids succeed makes me really proud. Also, anything BSU related. Their assembly is always amazing, and the potluck is awesome.