Stories Learned

MICHELLE 

HEAD-ROYCE SCHOOL

11TH GRADE

1.How do you identify? Have you always felt comfortable in this identity? Interpret this question however you'd like, whether it be your gender, ethnicity or nationality.

I identify as a second generation, Asian-American, half-Japanese and half-Chinese, female. I only really started feeling comfortable with my ethnicity/race in my freshman or sophomore year of high school. I’ve attended predominantly white private schools for my entire life, so there was always a large part of me that wanted to be white just like all of my friends. I remember in elementary school I would hide my “Asian” lunchboxes (or bento boxes) from my friends because I was too embarrassed that they would ask questions or find it weird. Even in preschool, I would hide simple foods like grapes and apples from my friends because my Asian mom gave them to me, and therefore, I thought that whatever was given to me by my parents was just an Asian thing (it sounds ridiculous but I guess that was just my thought process when I was four). Despite my appearance, I wanted to hide everything that would hint at the fact that I was Asian. I would even avoid hanging out with other Asians because I didn’t want to be stereotyped as “those Asians that only hang out with each other”. That changed in high school when I learned that it’s pretty cool to be different.

2. Talk about the environments and communities you've been a part of and the ways in which they've affected the formation of your identity. Tell your story!

I realize that this is a HUGE question, so here are some more specific prompts to guide your response:

I’ve been told many times that I act white even though I’m Asian. However, I don’t think that being around white people so often is the result of me “acting white”. I’m generally surrounded by people who have grown up in stable households, who are of the middle to upper class, and who have been fortunate enough to attend small independent schools like Head-Royce. I would consider attending Head-Royce to be a luxury, and sadly not everyone has the option to experience it. Minorities have continued to struggle with achieving the “American Dream”. If America truly were a mixing pot then there wouldn’t be such a distinct line between race and opportunities. How I act isn’t the result of the fact of being surrounded by white people, but it is the result of me being in an environment where many people are fortunate to live in excess, and the American system has given priority of this lifestyle to caucasian people.

3. Where do you feel most safe as a racial minority at Head-Royce?

I don’t ever feel unsafe as a racial minority at Head-Royce. I still hear the occasional slanted eyes joke or fake Asian accent at school, but it’s extremely minuscule compared to some of the things that I hear directed towards me in the real world. I think that Head-Royce forms a pretty safe environment for racial minorities in general.

4. How has being a minority student at a school like HRS affected the way you view yourself?

It’s hard to appreciate who you are when you’re surrounded by great people who look very different from you. When I think about my middle school experience at Head-Royce, I don’t remember a time where I felt confident in the fact that I was Asian, especially when there were only about 2 or 3 other full-East-Asians in a class of 80 students. The mindset of a middle schooler is to be just like everyone else. When I was surrounded by people who didn’t look like me, it was pretty hard to be like them. You can change your hair color, change your style, or change your interests, but you can’t change your eye shape, your family’s native language, or the fact that your parents are immigrants. Once I entered high school, I learned that being different is actually pretty cool. As much as it’s cool to hear the saying “I relate”, it’s even cooler to hear “I want to learn more about you”. And this goes beyond race/ethnicity. It’s cool to have a distinct personality and have unique interests. Going from wanting to be the same as others to wanting to be different was one of the greatest shifts that I’ve noticed in the transition from middle school to high school. I think that for me, recognizing and appreciating my difference in race was one of the first steps to growing up, especially coming from someone who has struggled with accepting her racial identity for almost her entire life. As I’ve been able to grow into my identity, I have grown to appreciate my “differentness” much more.

5. Do you feel as though individuals of your race are properly represented at HRS. Whether this is through the literature that we read, members of of our staff etc…

I think that members of the Asian community are pretty well represented at HRS. I’ve definitely seen an increase in Asian teachers and students over the years. I also think that the literature that we read in sophomore year allows students to get a glimpse into different cultures and the struggles that different identities have experienced in American history.

6. If you came back to visit HRS in 10 years, what would you have liked to see changed?

I would like to see a change in the middle school. I’m not sure what it’s like to be in middle school at HRS right now, but I know that my middle school experience could have been much improved if we had more conversations inviting students and teachers to recognize how they identify and teach them to share their identities with others. Middle school is a very integral time to learn about yourself and grow up, and for me, being insecure about my own identity was just something that I felt like I had struggled with for far too long.

7. Tell me about a time when you felt as though you didn't have a voice.

Generally, it’s hard to tell your closest friends when something that they have said can be offensive. During my time at Head-Royce, I have struggled with speaking up when I hear racist statements towards my race. This may be because I fear the image of weakness or not being able to take a joke. However, in all reality, offensive comments about race, ethnicity, religion, or socio-economic status aren’t really jokes. They’re just straight-up rude and disrespectful. I have had some of my best friends say racist jokes about Asians to me, but instead of telling them that I was offended and hurt, I stayed quiet because since they were joking, I didn’t want to seem like I was taking them seriously.