kimaya
HEAD-ROYCE SCHOOL
12TH GRADE
1.How do you identify? Have you always felt comfortable in this identity? Interpret this question however you'd like, whether it be your gender, ethnicity or nationality.
I identify as an Indian-American female. Though at times I find it difficult to grapple with the fact that I am neither fully Indian nor American, I hold a deep sense of pride in being able to live and represent both cultures
2. Talk about the environments and communities you've been a part of and the ways in which they've affected the formation of your identity. Tell your story!
I grew up in the Bay Area speaking Marathi. My mom believed that if she spoke to me in English, then I would learn her poor grammar and speak with her accent. When I started going to school, I had to start communicating in English. My best friend and I would always get frustrated by the language and begin speaking in Marathi right in the middle of preschool, despite the angry lectures from our teachers. Never able to fit in wholly in either Indian or American culture, I always felt out of place.
Prompted by my lineage, I always felt the need to work with as much fervor as I possibly could. After all, my parents had worked incredibly hard to immigrate to the United States to make a better life for our family. It was my job to respect their sacrifices and utilize every opportunity I was given.
I worked the only way I knew how: tirelessly. I went to a school where I was surrounded by other Indian-American students who had been taught only to do the same. My school held rigorous academic expectations; by the age of seven I was instructed and able to have memorized all the major cities, rivers, and mountain ranges of all fifty states.
When I started to attend Head-Royce in Oakland, I was ironically torn away from my familiar community of colored people and instead surrounded by mostly Caucasians. Suddenly, I was different from everyone around me. All I wanted was to be as American as possible so I could fit in and be normal. Simultaneously, I found myself using my heritage as a tool to normalize Indian culture rather than truly embracing it as a part of who I was. So, while I was attempting to be white, I was also trying to bring my Indian culture to the school through Bollywood performances during morning meetings and Indian Culture Showcases held annually. Somehow, even though I felt as if it were my duty to celebrate and share my heritage with others, I felt oppositely when it came to the way I lived my own life.
Moving forward into college and beyond, I am dedicated to living the way I feel most comfortable, regardless of whether it is “American” or accepted. I have found a renewed sense of pride in my heritage after having a chance to evaluate my approach to culture over my years in high school. I hope that other Indian-American and minority students in Head-Royce particularly are comfortable embracing their culture and are never pressured into trying to become the ideal American. Truly, I am grateful for the openness with which my culture was accepted in Head-Royce, even though at times I found it difficult to fully realize its existence.
3.Where do you feel most safe as a racial minority at Head-Royce?
As a racial minority at Head-Royce, I feel most safe in the company of other minority – particularly Asian-American – students. In it exists an unspoken sense of understanding regarding cultural differences, cultural stereotypes, and the basic struggle of living a hyphenated identity. I feel understood when I am with them.
4. How has being a minority student at a school like HRS affected the way you view yourself?
I do not view myself as a “normal” person. I feel as if by virtue of my identity I am inherently different from most people. It seems as if most people who attend independent schools come from largely the same background, namely middle-upper class white families. Because I do not live the way they do, I feel as if I am living incorrectly, so to speak. Though a faint sense of dis-belonging has been instilled in me, attending an independent school has taught me to still appreciate and celebrate diversity and always fight for my rights and for what I believe in.
5. Do you feel as though individuals of your race are properly represented at HRS. Whether this is through the literature that we read, members of of our staff etc...
While I really appreciate that our school has Indian-American faculty, it is frustrating to see that they are only in the Math Department, furthering the Asian math/science stereotypes. On a separate note, I did greatly appreciate that we read Jhumpa Lahiri’s work on Indian-Americans in English.
6. If you came back to visit HRS in 10 years, what would you have liked to see changed?
I would love to see true diversity in all manners and forms in Head-Royce amongst all community members, rather than simply the statement that it is important.
7. Tell me about a time when you felt proud of your race!
Music and dance are my deepest connections to my heritage. Every time I perform an Indian dance piece or sing an Indian song, I feel proud of who I am.
8. If there is anything you'd like to talk about that you didn't get a chance to talk about, talk about it here!
For my Senior Portrait I chose a photo in which I am wearing Indian clothing. I cycled through a lot of different options in which I was wearing typical clothing, but none of them felt like they were truly me. The choosing of my portrait was the first time I consciously felt like I was really Indian.